This stunning photo of me pretty much sums up how I feel on a daily basis lately. Carter sent it to me as a joke after a recent shoot, but after laughing about it initially, I had the idea for this post. I get a lot of questions from you guys about how I manage “do it all” or stay so “on top of everything”, so I think it’s important for me to share what life really looks like as of late.
As we all know by now, social media often paints a much prettier, glossier image of what life looks like and I want to make sure that anyone reading this knows that even though I, like most bloggers I know, try to make life look pulled together and colorful at all times, IRL I often feel like I’m just treading water to stay afloat.
Physically I feel great, but mentally I’m all over the place!
It all came to a head last week when Anel and I were watching our nightly episode of The Wire. Side bar: We’ve been working through it for a few months now and just started season four. If you haven’t watched it yet, I highly recommend! It takes about five episodes to get into it but then you’ll be hooked.
I digress, back to the story…
So we’re watching Detective James McNulty do his thing, and as the episode is ending (mind you it’s a full 50 minutes), I looked at Anel and said, “Wait, where is the dog?” At that moment I realized, in a state of sheer panic, that I had left him outside for the entire time and it was a really really cold night. I jumped up, opened the door, and he ran in faster than a speeding bullet.
If you’re a pet owner, you can fully understand how much I freaked out over the next few minutes. Finally I calmed down enough to sit down with him and check him out. He was shaking pretty hard and I was sure in the moment that he had hypothermia (he didn’t) so I frantically Googled what to do while hysterically crying (obviously). Meanwhile, his demeanor seemed fine, and he was focused mostly on all the treats and extra attention I was giving him, despite his shivers.
I wrapped him up in a bunch of blankets and laid with him on his bed so that my body heat would warm him up. Within 20 minutes he was back to normal, shiver free, and just so happy for the extra snuggles with his mama. The next morning he was ready to play at 7am like he is every day. #puppyatheart
But that incident shook me hard…. Because it wasn’t the first time I had forgotten something big lately.
That night I couldn’t sleep, feeling like the worst dog mom, human mom, and wife in the world. It was the night one of Amalia’s epic first cold (more on that tomorrow), and I was so out of it from worrying about her and finishing a project for work all day that I had no more brainpower.
There’s something about being responsible for a tiny human being’s life that can really take it out of you in a way that I’ve never experienced before.
That mixed with the plain old logistics of figuring out how to take care of her, run my blog, work on Anel’s business, and also get dinner on the table each night has turned me into one of those people that me pretty much forgets anything that I haven’t written down (they call it mom brain for a reason). I’ve showed up to appointments on the wrong day (more than once), missed calls I was supposed to be on, and completely spaced on a friend for dinner the other night. Luckily in the last few weeks I’ve figured out a system, using this daily planner, that keeps me on track most of the time.
I’m not the first parent to be losing her marbles, and I’m certainly not the last, but I wanted to share my story so that if you’re going through the same thing (kids or no kids), you know you’re not alone!
At the end of the day, all of the anxiety and hardship of being a mother are far far far outweighed by the joy it brings me. Amalia is and always will be my little angel, and as long as my other baby, Boots, doesn’t get forgotten about outside again, I know we’ll all be ok.