When Amalia turned six months, I started getting questions about when we were going to start trying for a second baby. At first, I laughed it off and literally thought my friends, family, blog readers, and strangers who asked me on the street were joking. My body was still healing and I was finally feeling like myself mentally again. The thought of starting the whole process over again made panicky.
There seem to be two schools of thought among my friends and peers: One is to have a second kid ASAP so you can get both of them out of diapers as quickly as possible. The other is to wait so that the first child can be a little more independent so that your new infant can get the attention he or she needs from you. And let me tell you, I’ve learned that people are quite strong in their opinions on this topic! I happen to think they’re both great options depending on your situation.
Anel and I started talking about our timeline more and more and decided to set a date to “start trying” again based on that first school of thought. But that date has come and gone. We both realized that we weren’t even close to ready, and that we had set the date because we felt pressured by other people and the idea that we needed to keep our kids close together in age, not because we wanted it for ourselves.
But the more we thought about it, the more we realized that we are in the second camp. We want to enjoy Amalia and focus on her right now. We finally feel complete, happy, settled, and have this parenting thing (kind of) down. I’ve truly never felt more whole in my entire life. We also just opened Anel’s new gym and that has been like having another baby in and of itself.
We would love to have a second child eventually. Since I grew up with a sister who is now my best friend in the world, I can’t imagine Amalia not having a sibling of her own. Selfishly, we both agree that we would be completely happy with just her. She is the light of our life and I can’t imagine loving another baby as much as we love her. (I realize that every mom says this and every mom is proven wrong.) But I’d love for her to grow up with a little partner in crime.
If we have trouble getting pregnant again, we’ve decided that we’re not going down the road of IVF or fertility treatments. If we’re lucky enough to have a baby, we’ll be so happy, but if we can’t, that’s ok too. This could change, of course, but right now that’s how we feel.
When we explain this to people, they still want to know when. When will this theoretical natural pregnancy occur? The answer is that we’re not totally sure. It’s not now. It’s probably not going to be in the next six months, and I don’t really have an answer beyond that. I’m sorry that’s not very satisfying!
So what’s your school of thought on this topic? Have kids close together or space them apart?