Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that there are many different parenting styles. Instead of dragging other people down if yours don’t align, we should be learning bits and pieces from different parents and not judging them when they’re different. So today I’m re-launching Mom Talk as a series where a bunch of moms give their honest opinions on a single topic.
I teamed up with a few of my friends who write about their lives as moms. We’re kicking off the series this month with our thoughts on screen time, a topic that we have all struggled with before landing on a solution that works.
What do the experts think?
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends keeping babies and toddlers under 18 months away from screens completely. They say a little screen time can be okay for toddlers 18 months and up, and that kids who are 2 and older should get no more than an hour of screen time per day.
They also suggest that children under 2 don’t get any passive screen time (having a TV on in the background or using the TV as a babysitter) as opposed to something like letting them watch 20 minutes of an educational show as a part of their routine.
What do I think?
Never say never when you have a kid. I remember when I was pregnant, Anel and I said we’d never be the kind of parents who would order off a kid’s menu. Our kids will eat grown up food, we said. Oh how the tables have turned. Baby Gods everywhere looked down on us shaking their heads and chuckling. We also said we would never let her look at our phones or the iPad…
But before I share my opinion, please remember that it’s just that! I’m obviously not an expert, just a mom trying to do my best over here.
FaceTime: Anel’s family lives in Bosnia and a lot of mine lives in California, so we started making an exception for FaceTime because it’s very important to both of us that she knows her family well, even if she can’t be with them in person. That started at a fairly young age, probably around six months or so when she was able to interact with them. Before that, we would turn the phone so she couldn’t see the screen but they could still look at her.
Now we FaceTime with the Bosnian family once a week and with my mom every other day or so. She’s also obsessed with my little brothers and likes to FaceTime them for a minute or two every morning.
TV: We had never let her watch TV until last month unless we were on an airplane or if the situation on a road trip was really dire. And I was pretty strict about it. I had read a lot about this topic and got totally freaked out, so it was just one of those things that I prioritized. To be clear, I don’t judge anyone who does things differently, it was just our choice to do things this way.
But then last month, she and I had a bad stomach bug at the same time and I turned on the TV so we could both rest for a few minutes. We discovered Word Party on Netflix, and it has now become her favorite show. It is of course the only show she’s ever watched, but she loves it and talks about it non-stop.
We let her watch a 12-minute episode or two on Saturdays and Sundays, but for now don’t do any TV during the week. She gets to watch it after her nap on the weekend days and associates it with that time now, so she doesn’t often ask for it outside of that (yet). I’m not really that worried about it anymore since she’s over 18 months, but the reason I restrict it so much is because I’m worried that we’ll start to use it as a crutch and that it will turn into a problem down the line. My mom never let us watch more than an hour of TV per day through high school which is probably why I’m so crazy about it too. I’m sure this will change as she gets older and learns more about how to get her way.
I like that Word Party is educational and she learns new words in every episode. Once we blow through those, I want to start something else similar so send over your recs!
iPhone: This is where the biggest problem lies for us. Amalia lovessss to watch videos of herself, of Boots, or of anyone she knows. Apparently that’s a toddler thing. She points to my phone and says “Baby movie?” far too often. My solution for this is to try and keep my phone in the other room when we’re playing so it’s not top of mind. I let her watch them from time to time though, and am not strict about this anymore either.
Traveling: When we fly, all bets are off. We’ve flown with her twice since she was of the age to appreciate screen time and both times we tried to wait as long as possible before we flipped on the iPad but eventually did. On our last flight to Bermuda, she ended up watching over an hour but it kept her calm and quiet and like I said, all bets were off.
What do the other moms think?
Read their blogs and find out!
Hello Adams Family
Pure Joy Home
Danielle Moss
Kelly in the City
Isn’t That Charming?
What do you think?
I’d love to hear your opinion on screen time and especially how it’s worked for those of you with older kids!
Photo by Julia Dags.
You’re doing great momma! And…facetime definitely doesn’t count in my opinion!
I have a now 13 year old and her screen time was limited to Baby Einstein and Sesame Street. She now hs an iPhone and it’s the number 1 thing we fight about most. In hindsight I should have held off on ALL of it for as long as possible.
That’s what I’m most afraid of! But it seems like in this day and age there isn’t a lot we can do to prevent it. Let us know if you have any tips though!
There isn’t BUT everyone told us to come up with a screen time policy and stick to it. With respect to the phone, write up a contract and enforce it. We didn’t do either but I recommend both! Learn from my mistakes!
That is a great idea. I’ll keep it in mind for sure!
There isn’t anything we can do. Come up with a screen time policy and stick to it. Same with iPhone. Write up and contract and enforce it. We didn’t do either and I regret it!
Screenagers is a great resource! Video, newsletter, and sample device contacts! As is Common Sense Media!
I’m home alone all day with my 13 month and don’t see anything wrong with Sesame Street here and there. He’s not sitting in front of the TV all day.
Right now its the only way I can prepare his food, throw laundry in, get ourselves ready to go out. I know he is safe and not getting into trouble!
Agreed! It’s a nice way to get them to sit still so we can get things done. I wish Amalia liked Sesame Street, but she’s not into it yet. I need to try again soon because that was my favorite show growing up!
My daughter is 1 month older than Amalia and the only parts of Sesame Street she likes are the songs – but she looooves those parts. If you fast forward about 12 minutes, there’s Letter of the Day and then often a few songs that come after. Amalia might like those parts!
Ok we need to try that then. I remember loving Sesame Street for years so I want her to love it too!
We try to stick to no screen time during the week and only one thing on the weekends. We get a lot of pushback from the grandparents on this which is frustrating. When we fly or if the kiddos (or one of us) is sick all bets are off.
The grandparent situation is tough on topics like this. We get pushback on her schedule!
I had a therapist tell me that kids (even young children) are pretty adept at understanding the difference between their usual rules at home and “grandparent rules.” It’s not to say that grandparents should totally ignore what you want for your child and go rogue, but it made me feel a little better that the extra movies and sugary snacks on “grandma day” would not be something that she expected day to day.
Travel time doesn’t count – particularly on an airplane! ha! There is a time and a place and I am not going to preach no screen time on flights. My toddler watches then too. It’s not a big deal. 😉
Amen to that! I constantly ask my mom how she used to fly with us as kids without an iPad and her answer is always, “It was really hard!” 🙂
Not a mom here but I am interested in the mom topics you post about and I feel like there’s a good balance with other topics :). One thing that I noticed…I could be remembering this wrong, but I think I have read that young children benefit from repetition of the same show which is the reasoning behind Blue’s Clues originally airing each new episode for a week before moving on to the next one. If that’s true, I would go right back through Word Party when Amalia finishes haha.
Thanks Ellie! And good tip. I’m sure she wouldn’t be mad about that… She’s mildly obsessed LOL
You’re doing great! My daughter is not quite two and if I’ve learned anything, it’s “never say never.” We don’t have an iPad or do games/apps on the phone. That said, I stay home with her all day during the week, and it’s just not realistic for us to say zero screen time (as much as I’d like to.) In order to clean the house, do laundry, prepare meals… some is necessary. We do make sure to get outside at least once a day because I notice that affects her mood in a BIG way. Like anything, it’s all about balance!
Oh! And we live far from family also, and I never, ever count FaceTime as screentime 😉
I agree about outside time. If Amalia is cooped up on a rainy or freezing day she gets bored and cranky. I try to get her out a lot too!
I don’t have an issue with it for the most part. My husband and I Both like to watch tv and it makes sense why my daughter does too. She’s almost 4 and in school full time from 8-6 most days so she is busy and learning and after a long day I too want to relax. It’s also an easy way to get her to be less opinionated because she is distracted so I let her watch tv while she get dressed for school and I am trying to get two kids and myself out by 8 am and after school for a few minutes while we get dinner on the table. We don’t do screen time before bed unless we are watching a special movie as a family on the weekend if she has a baby sitter. The iPad is great for restaurants or if we are at the mall, traveling, etc. she plays educational games and loves puzzles on there. But it they have crayons she will color too. Weekends we watch tv together as a family or instead of napping for “rest time” in bed snuggling. As a baby though it was mostly Sesame Street for the first year – 18 months and no ipad for at least the first year I think… the good news is as much as she loves being able to watch tv or use the iPad, she understands its a privilege and the first punishment is that privilege being taken away… and if works!
And sooo many typos—- sorry iPhone fail
This mom topics collaboration is a nice idea, but the contributors are very heavy on the baby/toddler/preschool age groups. My kids are school-age. It would be nice to hear from moms with older kids for more variety in perspectives. I felt like I was reading the same blog post over and over as I scrolled through the different postings.
That’s so helpful! Do you know of any bloggers with older kids that you would want to see in this group? I’d love to add one or two for next time.
I am totally with you on screen time rules, I work in educational technology and have done tons of research on the effects of screen time. It was definitely something I thought a lot about when I was pregnant and when my daughter was a newborn. I wanted to chime in and say that our pediatrician says that FaceTiming family does not count! He calls it the grandparents rule and that since the baby is interacting with the person on the other end the same way they would in person that it’s totally fine! It’s the more passive consumption that you have to worry about and can effect attention spans. We also have family far away so that made me feel a lot better about FaceTime, my daughter is only 11.5 months so that’s all the screen time she gets now but, like you, I plan to be pretty strict about the amount and type of screen time in the future. Thanks for a great post!!
I totally see why people have their own opinions about this, particularly because our world is addicted to phones.
I have an almost 4 year old and a 1 year old so turning on TV is a regular occurance — mostly for the eldest. It’y way I can take a shower or do some laundry, or sometimes just to sit down with them! I Like turning on PBS shows like Curious George; some Peppa Pig (or of course he loved Sesame Street or Thomas when he was younger!) because I think the tone and the pace is nice and he is definitely learning along,
Anyway, it works for us and I rarely feel guilty about it! It’s not like I ever park them in front of the TV all day. I think of it as a nice break from all of the fun, madness and learning happening at school —and at home.
I’m totally a proponent of limiting screen time, not so much because I think the TV/computer is so terrible, but because it takes away from time that they are outside running around, playing with friends etc.. I’d totally encourage people to be pretty vigilant about it because once the TV watching and especially video gaming for the boys (not as much of a problem for the girls) starts, it’s very tough to cut back again. Around 1st grade when they really start going to friend’s houses on their own (without mom) seems to be when all that stuff really ramps up.
Totally makes sense. It’s just so hard on when it’s cold in the winter! I didn’t even THINK of video games. Glad to hear it’s less prevalent for girls but I’m sure it will still come up.
I’m totally cool with my kids watching tv (3 and 5). They usually are not totally watching it and just playing with it on, my 3 year old loves youtube videos about the alphabet, they both love Baby Shark which is annoying but whatever. They watch other shows, Peppa Pig and similar, they were both totally in love with the original Willy Wonka movie. Neither are really interested in phones (we don’t have iPhones), my daughter has a tablet but rarely even asks to use it. I don’t bring electronics in the car but would for plane travel. I really don’t believe in some specific limits as I think they make something totally ordinary special, and its better for it not to be special. I’m also slightly older and grew up watching lots of tv as did all my friends, most of the most creative people I know are big media consumers. My husband is also a big tech person, that’s his field so there is no way to really avoid it in our how and for us tech is fun and not bad. How I will feel about phones in the future is tbd. I totally understand if others don’t feel the same, I would say as with all things parenting obsessing about anything isn’t worth it.
I may be mom shamed for this but I’ve let me 9 month old watch tv for quite some time. He loves Little Baby Bum on Netlfix. He smiles and laughs at it. I would highly recommend if you do want your little one to watch something. I’m home alone with him all day and sometimes I put it on for just a few minutes so I can have a quick bite to eat or get dressed for the day. It’s never for a long time but I felt guilty about it in the beginning. Also I have put it on for him as a distraction because it was the only thing that calmed him down while teething. Originally I said I would NEVER do this. Everything in moderation. I also said the same with food. I would keep him on a super healthy diet and he would eat what we eat. Well now he mostly eats yogurt eggs and waffles for now. lol Funny how things change.
No one will mom shame you here! I totally get it and if I were home with A all day I would probably do the exact same thing. I’m with you on the eggs and waffles. Don’t forget the mac and cheese lol!
We stopped watching TV 4 years ago. My youngest He’s 3) watches Word World on PBS using my phone a couple times a week. My oldest (8) watches pbs kids ready, jet, go and the odd squad after he does all of his after school chores finished. He still sometimes has issues giving me my phone back.
Let’s start with the fact that I was born in 1969, and my kids are now 14 and 17. I was part of that wonderful generation, perhaps the last, that was given a ton of freedom to wander the neighborhood unchaperoned, watch the Love Boat and Fantasy Island on Saturday night, stay home and watch TV all day when I was sick, watch soap operas from an early age (my aunt was on All My Children)… Granted the type of screen back then was pretty much just TV, and TV content was at worst rated PG. My point is, I was given a lot of freedom and turned out just fine. I have a Masters Degree, a good job, a 20+ year marriage, and two successful kids. My philosophy, both personally and professionally (school counselor), is that our kids have to learn to make decisions for themselves all along the way so that when they leave the nest, they are capable of functioning without us. Does that mean allow a 2 year old free reign? Of course not. Does it mean let Amalia choose her own outfit like you already do? Absolutely. It comes little by little.
As for all the screens our kids have today… I have a slightly different take then most people who take time to think about it. A lot of people say our kids can’t talk to each other anymore because they text or Snapchat. They say their attention span is too short. Let me ask you this? Have you seen your job and your life evolve over the past few years due to “screens”? Do you and other professionals with a less direct connection to “screens” make their living this way? Do I, as a consumer of these things, spend more time on screens than before? I believe the answer to all these questions is yes. This is the way the world is headed. We as adults need to jump on so we don’t get left behind. #justmytwocents
What was it that you read about the TV watching that freaked you out? Not judging, just curious. I read through the AAP guidelines you referenced and it was really helpful. I have an almost 8 month old (5 months adjusted for being a preemie). Her attention span is only about 15 minutes for anything these days and I will admit to plopping her in front of some PBS content occasionally to cleanup the kitchen while she is in my eyesight. We’re keeping her away from tablets and phones, but after reading the AAP site I may cut back on the TV time until she’s a bit older.
A bunch of articles like this one:
https://www.npr.org/sections/alltechconsidered/2013/10/29/228125739/what-to-know-about-babies-and-screen-time-kids-screens-electronics
I have no idea what the real answer is or how bad it is but for some reason it got to me!
I didn’t limit my daughters screen time. My friends were appalled. It turned out fine. She went to Princeton .
This is by far my favorite comment on this post. Love it so much!!
I don’t have kids yet, but my parents didn’t really have any limitations on screen time or TV watching. My brother and I had both had TVs in our rooms from about 3rd grade on, and our own computers starting in middle school. Cell phones weren’t really a thing until I was in high school. I never felt it was a big issue. I had friends whose parents were really strict about TV and it was always a huge bummer when they came over because ALL they wanted to do was watch TV. Because I had access to TV any time I wanted, it wasn’t “taboo” and didn’t hold the same appeal. I was happy to go outside and play because I knew the TV wasn’t going anywhere. I think sometimes when something is so “off limits” to a kid, they don’t always know how to practice self-control around it when they do get access. I think kids today (school age kids, specifically) have to cope with so much more stress and anxiety than previous generations. If a little TV time allows them to escape that for a few minutes and get lost in a good show, I am all for it!
I think it’s all about balance. I let my 17 mo old watch sesame street, bubble guppies, baby first channel, daniel tiger… Id say a total of an hour to 1.5hrs a day. Im home most days alone with her so I need to in order to be able to get some things done since at her age she wont play by herself in one spot for long periods of time. The rest of the day we do a variety of things so I feel like its a good balance…usually an activity at the library or play space, something outside like a walk or playground and then playing at home. I think its all about variety and balance. Probably not great if youre just plopping your child in front of the tv all day but I see nothing wrong with using it as a tool when needed.
Love the article! We didn’t start with our first watching tv until around that age too. Limited but necessary sometimes. It’s so hard to not have mom guilt about it no matter what, especially through the cold winters. We watch little to no screen time daily in summer or nice weather. Some good early learning shows for us were little baby bum (Netflix), Dave and Ava (YouTube), &!Sesame Street (prime). She really got into Dora which is also some learning. They did have season 1 on prime. I let her have an iPad sometimes for travel and discovered all the crazy/annoying things that exist on YouTube kids so they no longer have any access to that. Because it was YouTube kids it wasn’t anything bad for the eyes just kids playing with toys and that’s not what screen time is for in my opinion.
That’s a good point about the seasons. It’s hard to get out on really cold days so I’m guessing it will be the same for us in the summer (I hope!). I’ve heard about kids loving the videos of other kids playing with toys. Makes no sense but apparently it’s a whole thing. So weird!
This is so fascinating! I am about to have a baby so this is on my mind. My sister in law was very strict about it and her kids would be memorized anytime they saw a screen. They now let their kids watch tv on occasion. My brother in law was very lax and their kids watch tv regularly. My sister lets her kids have a lot of screen time and she uses it as a crutch. My brother limits his daughters screentime. I had no idea there were studies on screentime. I need to do more research! I was raised being allowed to watch tv and had a tv in my bedroom growing up. I have never been a big tv watcher! When I lived alone I would go weeks without turning it on. I much prefer to read or listen to music. Thank you for sharing this!
My 18 month old son also LOVES to watch to videos of himself on my phone. I was interested to hear this is something most toddlers are interested in!
Apparently it’s a thing. At first I thought she was just a narcissist but now I know it’s normal haha.
We used to really struggle with being able to turn off the computer without a freakout, but what’s helped us is changing the settings on netflix and amazon so that the next episode doesn’t automatically play and being really clear about when our son is about to watch the last episode (cooking dinner is where we usually use it). Then he gets to close the laptop and put it back in my bedroom. We’ve pretty much totally nixed YouTube because of the weird and creepy algorithms (https://www.wired.co.uk/article/youtube-for-kids-videos-problems-algorithm-recommend).
At 2.5 years he’ll go through phases of watching Word Party, Thomas, Guess How Much I Love You, and Pete the Cat (which has a really useful episode on the “3 bite rule”).
We’ve also created a playlist with a bunch of songs that he likes (lots from these shows) and that often helps delay how soon we turn on a video while traveling.
If you’re looking for shows to check out after you’ve watched all of the Word Party episodes, we love Puffin Rock (also on Netflix). It’s very calm and positive, the artwork/voiceovers are pleasant (and Irish!) and it features lots of different kinds of animals/environments so IMHO it counts as “educational”. Our 19 month old really enjoys it.
I’ve also heard great things about Daniel Tiger for older toddlers – it’s relentlessly positive (what else would you expect from a Mr Rogers spinoff), and there’s an episode that discusses almost every toddler “issue” (separation anxiety, potty training, teeth brushing, etc.)
We also have a “whatever it takes” policy for air travel – have you found headphones that you like for Amalia? Or does she watch without sound?
Awesome, we’ll try Puffin Rock next thanks! We haven’t found headphones yet for her but she wears Anel’s Beats and seems to like those. I’m assuming someone makes good kids ones though. Will do some research!
Little Baby Bum (netflix) is mesmerizing for my 17 month old! I like that it is songs, and she gets up and dances the whole time.
Thanks for the rec! Will try it out!