New Years resolutions are kind of dumb, right? They’re exciting for a few weeks or even a few months if you’re really dedicated, but by July or August, are you really still drinking less, working out 5 times/week, or seeing your friends more often? Most likely, not.

With that being said, I still made a resolution this year because I, like most of you, love the feeling of a fresh start and a new year with a clean slate. I’m going to share this super personal promise to myself with you in hopes that you don’t pass judgement and that this resonates with some of you as well.

First let’s start with some background. I’ve always been somewhat of a hater. . . on myself. As a kid and teenager, I constantly put myself down, comparing myself to thinner, prettier, smaller-nosed girls in my class. That carried on through college and even to my adult life in other ways.

Of course I still compare my looks to other super chic NYC women and even my blogger counterparts. I put photos of myself on the effing internet every week (a weird concept if you think about it) so it’s hard not to! But what really gets me worked up now is how I can beat myself up over a decision I make at work, how I’m running my business, or what’s going on in my married life.

Instead of taking it easy on myself and letting things go, I harp on mistakes I make for hours which all adds up and affects my sleep, sanity, and general health. My resolution is to catch myself doing this, and try to put an end to it through deep breathing exercises, meditation, or journaling.

I also plan to take great care to make sure that what I put on or in (not like that, you perv!) my body is healthy and up-lifting. Sometimes I need to drink green juice and wear yoga pants all day and sometimes I crave a fancy outfit and a glass of wine. Listening to what my body wants and respecting that want without feeling guilt is important for this healing process.

So far this has all been incredibly difficult, but I’ll keep you posted if anything changes.